An extremely depressing post :P

If you had told me when I was 14 that I wouldn't be close with any of my girls friends by the time i became an adult i probably would have laughed. Or cried.

But here I am.  18 years 3 months and 5 days old. And I have only one girl friend that i'm relatively close to.
Makes me so sad sometimes you have no idea.
I have no one to blame but myself.

Why am I telling you this??

I have to tell someone! Its been burdening my heart for sometime.
I'm really good at forgetting things. thats my way of dealing with things. So i'm really good at it.  But every once in a while it comes back to haunt me. And it hurts. It hurts me.

Its in these moments I have to stop thinking of myself.  I have the best friend in the world. Someone who would never leave. Will always love me no matter how much I dont talk to Him. Plus. He saved my life! How could I forget?? But i do.

Also. I need to stop thinking about how i dont have any close friends and be a friend to my friends. Stop beating myself up. Stop feeling bad. and do something about it!

trying.
trying.
failing.
trying.
failing!
help me Jesus!

He is helping me. He always helps me. He is sooo faithful!

So anyways this is whats been on my mind lately. Kinda painful to write about. Kinda embarassing to tell you guys all my thoughts and failings. I have gotten out of the habit of telling people my thoughts, desires, pains, hopes.

Lord help me <3

Thanks for reading.

Much Love,

TessieB